Entries in Ramblings (73)

Tuesday
Nov172009

Its crawling in again....

Depression symptoms -> 

Unable to sleep at night.  Not  much appetite.  Feel lethargic and slow in response.  Unable to concentrate.  Moody and bad tempered.

Yup, I'm falling into that trap again and I need to do something to wake up.  This nornally happens for a week or so when I just came back from Thailand.  It does not help at all when I'm stuck at work too.  My mind is drifting everywhere while I work.  Need to set things straight asap.

Recently there are some financial issues that I need to settle and its has been bothering me for quite some time.  With a new family member on board.  My current pay is a bit stretching.  In order to continue to providie a comfortable lifestyle for them over there, I need to work more OTs and look for other source of income.  I can, of course, choose to go back to my old job which has a much higher pay (and responsibilites) but I shall be loosing the number of off days and leaves that I could get in this current job (Its so flexible that it allows me to go back to Thailand at least once per 2 month period),

So this current predicament is also bogging me too.  I need to choose between money and time with my family.  I've talked to my wife and she of course wants more money lah... So still thinking hard on this....

 

Sunday
Nov152009

Back to SG and (fast fast) back to work!

Just a quick post.  Just came back from Thailand this early morning at 1200AM and now back in office slaving.  It will be another few sleepless nights for the next few days as I need some time to adjust to the fast pace lifestyle here.  Sometimes I wonder why Singapore can't slow down a bit.  Why can't we learn from our surrounding neighbours to slow down a bit.  Do we need to chase for the top all the time?  And some sikohlar (scholar) argue that if we slow down a bit, we are actually getting lazy?? (Our gahment likes to stress this all the time).  So now I'm back in office and still clearing my email (got moren than 10k...)while I took a break to jot this down.  2009 is going to end soon and 2010 will be around the corner.  Hopefully the year will ends well... 

Still have errands to run.  Need to collect my lens, send my slides for development, pp my photos, scan my daughter's photos and ....... I need more TIME!!! :P

Sunday
Jul052009

Its all scheduled!

I have been busy lately with work and the preparation for my new baby. The due date was brought forward by 2 weeks. (Doctor say my wife's tummmy is too huge and baby seems to be more than 3kg.) So I will be flying back on the 14th and the should be going to the hospital on the 16th The cesarean is scheduled on the 17th.

Price for a cesarean birth in Thailand is no longer 25k bath (approx 1k SGD) Its about 35k at least now. (that's just 3 years ago!!) Wonder what really happened with the pricing but still, this time we are choosing another hospital which was newer and has more experienced doctors though.

There are many things I wished I have time to write about but so far I'm a bit overwhelmed by work. (I am actually working on another 24hrs shift while I'm typing this :P) Need the extra cash for the new car and the new baby.

Anyway, some things I want to write is a new bag I had and more about my health. Maybe I will drop another note next week which I guess I will be a bit more free as I will be on course. So after the course and 2 more days of work and I will be in Thailand for a month. Hope everything goes as well as planned.

Sunday
Jun142009

So called "Freedom"

I had an interesting conversation that day with an old friend before I left for Thailand and its a pretty interesting topic.

He's still single but he's getting married soon at the end of the year. He's still busy preparing his wedding and we started to talked about life before and after marriage.

Well generally, I would say I fall into most of the same category of young bachelor guy before I got attached. Meaning that I get to buy all the gadgets I want and do all sorts of silly stuff without thinking too much about the cause and effects. I can quit my current job and idle for a few months before I look for a new job and etc etc...

So now, all these sorts of so called "freedom" is no longer really available for me once I am attached. And especially so when you have 4 mouths (including the new baby and my housekeeper) to feed.

So my friend asked me an interesting question. Do you missed the days you were single?

A long pause and I sincerely have to say that sometimes I really do, sometimes. Whenever I am alone in SG or alone, I actually want to spend more time on myself, traveling more and experiencing more things that I could not do now. I did told my friend how I felt and he seems to be a bit surprise as I was always lamenting on how I enjoy my new found family and life.

Its a strange feeling that I'm not sure I can express really on words but everytime I get to see my wife and my girl. (Especially my daughter) This feeling is actually much get thrown out of the window. Sometimes, just by looking at the photos I had taken for her when she was a baby tells me that all of that so called "freedom" is worth it.

Yes, I could get to spend more money on lenses, cameras and other gadgets but those are just material stuffs. The so called "freedom" is just a shroud. Are we really "free" from this world? We are still chasing something that could never satisfy our needs (Be it money or knowledge).

So I have to say F**K that so called "freedom" (pls pardon my language :P ). I especially thought so when I got hugged by my 3yr old daughter with her face so beaming with happiness every time she sees me return.

For clarification. I am not pro gahment asking you all to have babies. This is just a ramblings on my own. But I have met friends who actually survive in SG having 3 or more kids with little income and I never understand really why until I had my own child.

So to Daniel and family who works as a humble salesman and having 3 kids to feed with only his limited income. And to Maureen and John, able to survive in SG with 2 kids and John being a handicap. I salute you all! Sometimes being the so called "free" is not really living the best of your lifetime and I'm glad to say I am enjoying this new experience every day and every moment of it.

Sunday
Mar082009

This is demoralising

I had a pain (gallstone) attack this morning again and its horrible. Luckily it went away in the afternoon but still, these attacks are quite demoralising. It just comes without warning. Woke up, went to pee and just drank one cup of water and bang... dunno what trigger it... cannot be the water bah??

Went back to my room and squatted on the floor for almost an hour. Sweat pouring. Only last friday went for a root canal repair and this coming Wednesday is my follow up for my surgery on the fistula and gallstones.

Luckily today is my off day if not I will need to take MC again. Tom back to work and I feel fine at the moment. Suppose to run some errands today but all plans are blown. Sign... not a good year for me

Root canal repair on my teeth. Fistula on my butt and bloody stones in my gallbladder....

try to beat that.